The Peach

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Saturday, July 30, 2005

Fingergate? Or Chimpgate?


During his most recent press briefing Scott McClellan responded to a question about Bush's "finger thrust," reported in an earlier Peach item, by saying this:

Clearly, if you look at it and if you were there, you would recognize that the President was giving a thumbs-up.
Well, if you want to see the clip again, click here. Meanwhile, the Peach wishes to point out that if the long, skinny digit being held aloft in the video is in fact the president's thumb, then another cherished theory held by the president's detractors must be true, that the president bears a closer-than-normal relationship to some of our lower-primate cousins.

Put it this way: In what species is a thumb so indisinguishable from the animal's other digits that such a mistake could even be possible? Okay, the lemur perhaps. Some might say the racoon. But the Peach's staff of ace primate experts has suggested that only in the chimp is the entire hand large enough and the thumb sufficiently hairless to allow for the kind of widespread misinterpretation that McClellan has suggested.

So there you have it. Bush did not give the finger to the press. But he is a chimp.

Friday, July 29, 2005

Same To You, Buddy



Is the press getting to Bush or are those tiny wheels in his head coming unscrewed? Apparently, while walking past a press contingency Bush thought it fit to tell them what he thinks of their presence. The clip was shown on the Tonight show unedited.

When asked whether it was a "finger of hostility" press puppet Scott McClellan stated that he knows "how the President acts" and the incident had been "misportrayed."

Whatever. The Peach suggests readers look at the clip and judge for themselves. For now, though, The Peach has only this to say: feeling's mutual.

Baron's Brain: The War . . . er. . . Conflict . . . uh . . . Battle. . . um?

To prove the old adage "when things look bad, change the title" still applies, Bush is now dropping the slogan "war on terror" in favor of the user friendly and more applicable "global struggle against violent extremism" or what will now be known as the GSAVE.

The Brain sees this as being along the lines of the California/Anaheim/Los Angeles Angels looking for a name that gives them greater selling power or the Washington Bullets becoming the Washington Wizards, because, well, bullets kill and we all know how great wizards are.

In any case The Brain thought up a few more slogans for future consideration:
The quest to dispose of those we detest

The fracas in Iraq-as

The fight-a against Al-qaeda

Our religion is better than your religion
The confrontation between those who are generally right against those who are in the minority and therefore wrong (also known as CBTWGRATWMTW, phew).

Rock the casbah (The Brain is a huge Clash fan and this slogan would come with its own theme song)

Can't we all get along?

Hey, what's your problem?
If anyone has any other suggestions The Brain would love to hear them.